(By Anonymous Woman)Â Iâ€™m at the age where finding a husband has become a focus, sometimes, an obsession. I have created a timeline in my head of when I need to be married, and Iâ€™m getting closer to the deadline every day. I have coined a term â€œbride primeâ€ to explain this to other people. Â I believe that the time that a woman is in her prime to get married is between 25 and 29. Iâ€™m currently in the earlier part of â€œbride prime.â€ When I am with my friends, I often project the following: â€œIf I date my husband for a year, and have an engagement of six months, the earliest I can get married is when Iâ€™m 28, and thatâ€™s if I meet him tomorrow.â€ Well, I havenâ€™t met him on any of these tomorrows; and the â€œwedding dateâ€ of my non-existent wedding (or even prospective husband) are moving farther and farther away.
As a result of my fear of getting married out of my â€œbride prime,â€ I have begun doing something else that I coined a term for: â€œhusband hunting.â€ As a woman ages, particularly a professional woman, most of us begin to think of finding a husband as a very strategic hunt. We wear specific clothes, but instead of camouflage, we wear a dress and heels. We create a call to attract men, but instead of blowing on a duck whistle, we say cute and flirtatious things. We go where we know the best hunting grounds are, but instead of a forest, we go to a bar, a church, or an online dating site. Either way, itâ€™s a hunt, literally. When youâ€™re young, itâ€™s about finding someone cute and fun. When youâ€™re older, itâ€™s about finding a man who is financially stable and who will remember to pick up the kids from school.
In my hunt, Iâ€™ve tried a lot of different options. Iâ€™ve done the online dating thing, maybe five or six times. Never worked for me. I just find it easier to eliminate men when I meet them online. So, I do. And speed dating. What a nightmare. Meet 22 men in about three and a half hours, and say the exact same thing every 8 minutes. I only liked one guy enough for a real date, and he was late and then made fun of me when I tripped and fell. No thanks. Iâ€™ve asked friends to set me up. Less than one minute after I drove away from him, he texted me and called me. See you later, Mr. Obsessed.
As I am beginning to run out of options, Iâ€™ve started to find ideas on how to find a man from dating experts and books. Here are some of their tips: sit at a fancy bar before happy hour, ask the bartender to introduce you to men, and then read a book until you meet someone. Or, go to a video game conference because even though these men might be nerds, they might also be rich and will probably be single. My favorite though, or the one Iâ€™m most shocked by, is to go to upscale car dealerships. They tell you to pretend that youâ€™re interested in buying a luxury car because you will be put on an invite list for cocktail parties where it will be mostly wealthy men as attendees.
Of the ones Iâ€™ve listed, I havenâ€™t done any. I will never go to a conference to meet nerds or feign interest in a luxury car, but next week I plan on going to a bar at happy hour and reading a book. The longer my hunt goes, the more desperate I get, the more outrageous my strategies will become. So many people tell me â€œwhen you stop looking, thatâ€™s when youâ€™ll find someone.â€ I want to smack them. They often say this while holding the hand of their spouse whom they met when they were 18 or 20. When youâ€™re in your late twenties, being inactive is the opposite of what we need to do, at least thatâ€™s what I think. My question to you is, how do you spouse hunt?